Toast to the lassies

28th January 2019

The toast to the lassies is a key part of a Burns Supper. It started originally as a ‘cheers for cooking’ but as times have moved on, it has evolved into an opportunity for men to take part in some light hearted ribbing of the ladies in the room. The ladies do get to have revenge in the ‘Toast to the lassies – the reply’ (because it can’t just be called ‘reply to the laddiesnooooo).

I’ve done the reply before, mainly using it to point out that while Burns may have written quite a few lovely poems about love and women, he was a complete womaniser and cheated on his wife the whole time they were married.

This year however, none of the eight men who were invited to our Burns Night volunteered to do it. Granted three of them had volunteered to do other set pieces (the Immortal Memory etc) but come on! So, I did it instead.

Toast to the lassies – 2019

Buckle up, boys.

I think we can agree that its a bit odd for a lady to do the toast to the lassies. But then again, women are quite used to having to do things men are supposed to.

I did quite a bit of googling for this and found one thing. Most toasts to the lassies are crap. Its just guys dragging out old stereotypes that ‘women take too long to get ready’ or ‘they talk so much!’. Heaven forbid we want to look groomed and converse with our partners am I right! The norm seems to be for men to stand up here and talk about how women are ‘weird’ and they don’t know what to do with us. I’ve found that if you treat women like people, you’ll be fine.

We apparently spend far too long choosing curtains and we invent colours left right and centre. I mean, we really shouldn’t have to be telling people that no, mauve is not the same as purple and taupe is not the same as beige.

Women put up with a fair bit of crap when you think about it. We’re supposed to look good (but not too good or take too long about it), be successful in our careers (but not too successful, that might make the man look bad), have children (but then go right back to a size 8, and back to work, except when you’re not meant to go back because that’s also bad), and we’re supposed to smile while we’re doing it all. Meanwhile, some men expect an award just for showing up.

And I don’t want anyone here to think that I’m bashing men here. But more using this toast to point out that even though it’s 2019, and even though men and women are meant to be equal nowadays, there are still men out there who almost went insane because Gillette did an advert asking men to stand up to other men when they behave in a sexist manner towards women. Maybe if they just smiled more, they wouldn’t get so angry.

To all the ladies here, all the badass doctors, the kick-ass mums (and mums to be), the exceptional dentists, and the superb (if a bit broken right now) teachers. You are enough. You put up with everything life throws at you, and you still get up every day and do your thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, TO THE LASSIES

Had Google Home setup to play this right as the speech finished